It must be a 'coyote' thing...

I dedicate this blog post to none other, than the one, the only:Wile E Coyote.

He is that infamous coyote we all know from our childhoods - the primary antagonist and enemy of the road runner and the one single cartoon animal that made anvils so popular in Western society. Despite the fact that he chases the 'beep beep' bird and despite the fact that he looks like the love child of a rabbit and some sort of roadkill, we cannot help but find a soft spot for this determined little bugger...

...But there is one thing that makes me think that all the anvils have really got to his head...

I mean, think about it - constantly you see this guy buying all these inventions from ACME - catapults, magnet machines, explosives, you name it. Why you may ask? To get but a taste of that prime royal blue roadrunner meat... We think to ourselves - poor little guy. He is seen as the villain when his one and only crime was to follow the circle of life...

BUT!

With all the money that he has to buy these machines and explosives and whatnot, why. Why

on earth doesn't he just BUY food instead of persistently chasing this bloody bird around like a headless chook? I mean, common sonny jim, use some common sense! 

Fireworks, explosives and catapults cannot come cheap! Even if it IS a cartoon! Seriously, he must be the richest mammal in the world! Besides Paris Hilton's 'Tinkerbell' that is...

And by the way, how on earth does he even GET this money to buy such inventions? Is these something we do not know about our beloved childhood friend? By day we see him as the Wile E Coyote we know him to be but by night, he is  Wile the pimp or something? I don't know!

And i know what you're all going to say 'it because it's the thrill of the chase - its challenging and blah di blah blah' but SERIOUSLY! Put yourself in this guy's shoes! How many times has that poor coyote paused in mid air and plummeted to his death? More than you can count! Do you really, REALLY think that he enjoys it? It's like that stupid song that i absolutely loathe:

'I walked under a bus, got hit by a train, and it felt so good, I wanna do it again'

IT MAKES NO SENSE! 

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO WALK UNDER A BUS... AGAIN!!!

Why?

Ohh! Coz it 'felt so good' THATS WHY!!!

*sigh* It must be a 'coyote' thing...

It isn't easy being green... or is it?

Red and yellow and pink and green - purple and orange and blue.
Day by day, we depend on these colours. Some will dye their hair green while others will scrub their skin orange... The one odd person who chooses to do both will look like a close descendant of these fair folk:




But. My question for you today. Or theory, if you will.
We may all be colourblind...
AND NOT EVEN KNOW IT.
Dun
DUN
DUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHNNNN!!!

...

Well.. Not colourblind so to speak, but something else...

How do we know that the colours we are really seeing are matched in the eyes of others?
As in, how on earth do I know that you see the same colour for what we call green? We both call it green, sure, but how do you know that your green is in fact, red? Do we all perceive colours differently? What I see as green could really be red to you but we both call it green and never know the difference. Because you've grown up knowing that that's the colour is called 'green'.

In a more simplistic and easier way of saying this, I'm going to write a hypothetical.
So one day you wake up in your bed and it's pretty awesome. You open your eyes and see all the colours around you. You see the suns rays dance off the green of the granny smith apple. You admire the redness of your elmo doll besides you. You look at your Green day and Red Hot Chilli’s poster and smile contented. You are feeling merry like the colours of christmas. Before you can press those two merry feet on the floor, a fairy suddenly appears in front of you. You're a bit 'wtf' but go with the flow because you're cool like that. The fairy offers you an opportunity to see the world in your sisters eyes. You're pretty freaked out that a fairy is talking to you at the moment and figure ‘look, you’re never going to get an opportunity like this again’ so you agree. The fairy does the spell and you are seeing from your sisters eyes. All of a sudden things change. The green Granny Smith apple appears to be red and Elmo looks like he digested something that didn’t agree with him. You look outside your window and the phrase 'to paint the town red' is beheld right in front of your very eyes.

Holly shit! What are you tripping on?" you exclaim, waking up your sister whilst throwing your arms like Olive Oil in Popeye, "You can't see green right!"
"What are you talking about, that IS green!"
"No it's not! It's red! Look!"
"Dude, I'm pretty sure I know what green looks like.” She picks up your granny smith apple. “THIS is green.”
“That IS meant to be green, but you’re seeing it as red!”

Your sister is unconvinced. You pick up your rose.
“This rose is meant to be red.”
“That IS red.”
“I know, but you’re seeing it as green and have been calling it red this whole time without even realizing!”

You look in the mirror. You have green lips and red eyes. You look like a evil version of the green telletubby. But your sister keeps insisting - "no, that's the colour RED you dingus!"
"No, that's green! But I'm seeing red! YOU HAVE CRAP EYES!!"
"Dude!" she goes downstairs and grabs tomato sause. "This is the colour red"
"I know that! BUT I'M SEEING GREEN! YOU'RE JUST CALLING IT RED!!!!"
"That colour you're seeing right now - it's red mate!"
"IT”S MEANT TO BE RED! BUT YOU SEE GREEN!”

Suddenly, your world changes. Rudolf has no red nose, green day turns into red day and TOMATO SAUSE NEVER TASTES THE SAME AGAIN BECAUSE YOU’RE EATING GREEN!

So I ask you this my friends:
How do you know that the sky is really purple, our skin is really blue and WE’RE ALL LIVING OOMPA LOOMPAS!??!

I tried SO HARD to explain this to my Mum and sister but to no avail. They just stared at me like this for a while:



...and said ‘no.’
Then I explained again.
There was a pause as they looked at me with cocked eyebrows.
‘No.’ they said.
And then I wailed ‘NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!!!!’ and a Victoria-shaped hole was through the wall...
...Not really but still...

Please tell me you understand what I’m talking about, because, in the words of comic book guy: “THERE IS NO EMOTICON TO WHAT I’M FEELING RIGHT NOW!!!!’

So, I ask you my friends, was Kermit the frog right when he said it wasn't easy being green? Does that song "I see Red, I see Red, I see Red" REALLY see red? WILL LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD BE AFFECTED IN ANY WAY BECAUSE OF THIS!?!?! 

...You be the judge.

A blog of beanstalks and bears...

From chicks whose dresses disappear when the clock strikes twelve to others who have fins instead of legs, yes, fairytales have taken up a large portion of our childhood and have taught many a lesson. The lesson of Red Riding Hood being not to be so idiotic to mistake your grand mamma for a wolf and the moral of Snow White being to never eat red apples... Especially those offered to from freaky old ladies...

I have recently thought about fairytales, or well, childhood stories in general. And I think that many of them are flawed.

The fairytales we love and hold dear to our hearts is what inspires this blog. My latest theory is that fairytales only consider one point of view of the story. We usually hear our fairytales from some 20-something year old chick who usually has long flowing windswept hair and is pretty hot.

But have we ever considered the fairytales from the evil persons perspective?

Take for instance, Jack and the beanstalk - PERFECT example

Okay, the main jist is that some guy apparently called 'Jack' is poor, goes and sells his cow, gets magical beans in exchange for the cow, Jack's mum is pissed, throws the beans out the window which grows this huge bean stalk which, ironically, does not grow beans. Jack climbs it because he lacks a thing entitled 'intelligence' and finds out the bean stalk leads to this castle. A giants castle. So Jack steals some of the giants wealthy possessions (some money, a harp and a goose that laid golden eggs) and the giant chases after him and basically, Jack cuts down the beanstalk as the giant climbs down. He falls and dies. The End.

I decided to summarize it because surprisingly, some haven't heard of the tale before

*le gasp*
So hold on for a second. We see Jack as a noble guy when we're younger. We see him standing up to the 'big guy' and saving the day.

Thing is, have we ever considered this from the giants point of view?

I mean, think about it! Imagine some ant guy, walking into your house and stealing YOUR geese! Wouldn't like that very much, wouldn't you?

I'm sorry but this poor giant has to get some credit here! He gets robbed and killed by ant boy and somehow, somewhere along the line, we portray him as a villain?

The Giant is sadly cast away, always to be referred to as the 'evil guy' of the story. His sad tale becomes spun into something horrible and the Giant's name is never the same ever again... When the only thing he did wrong was chase Jack because he kept stealing his geese... Even when visually depicted, the giant isn't favoured admirably (seen in the image to the left where he looks like a descendant of Gollum from Lord of the Rings) 

If that wasn't enough, Jack, upon realizing that there is a something-foot high giant climbing down the beanstalk to get Jack for breaking an entry, decides to get an axe and CUT THE FREAKING BEANSTALK!!!

Now tell me this. Jack has invaded the home of the giant, has stolen his geese, his harp and money and then, after stealing this, decides to kill the owner of the house. HOW CAN THIS MAN BE PORTRAYED AS THE GOOD GUY!!?!?!

Jack and his beans deserve to be put into a little house I like to call 'jail'

And what a tale. The tall, perhaps noble Giant is murdered by a harp-stealing, ant-sized man. The tall guy who does nothing wrong dies and the ant boy lives to tell the tale of his 'heroic' adventure. Therefore, and I know I am jumping to conclusions here, but Jack and the Beanstalk is CLEARLY prejudiced against tall people, to which, being a tall person myself, I am disgusted to admit to such a thing.

This tale doesn't only stop at Jack and the Beanstalk, ohh no.

For instance, let us open our pages to Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

We see a golden haired girl with ringlets, once again, being the good guy, or in this case, gal.


But, hold on a minute, lets consider this, once again, in the 'bad guys' mind. The three bears walk into their house, coming back home after their walk. They come home to find that incredulously, their chairs have been sat on, their PORRIDGE has been EATEN and if that's not bad enough, the bitch has the audacity to sleep inside their house!!!

In my opinion, she stepped over the line by eating the porridge but then Goldilocks decides to SLEEP IN THEIR BEDS??!?!? As if!!!

I'm sorry, if I came home from school and a little girl with blonde ringlets was in my bed, I'd be a little freaked out too. I probably wouldn't go to the extent of eating her, but I mean, when your a bear and you're in that state of mind, you can't help yourself.

So think twice before deciding to tell you little cousin or sister/brother a fairytale story. Who knows, they could end up stealing geese and sleeping with bears.

I'm off, professor Lupin out.

X

(Images by Scott Gustafson and Arthur Rackham respectively)

Hello to all you blog addicts and internet-hollics! The names Victoria and I am very pleased to meet you *tips off hat*. I'm not the best with introductions... Usually the first impression many have of me is that 'weird girl' who talks too much without pausing for breath and who stares off into space for no apparent reason.

As my 'about me' says to the side of the page, I am practically the epitome of the word 'enigma'. The thoughts that enter my head are those that 'normal' people would consider irrelevant or merely the thoughts of a crazed mind. I am a person of many theories - a person who asks the questions that most would merely shrug off. The one who walks into 7/11 and ponders why the store has locks on the doors if they are opened 24 hours, 7 days a week. I intend to post many of these theories on here for your reading pleasure but for now, I'm off. 

I'm Victoria - You stay classy blogspot

X