To beard, or not to beard? That is the question...

I’ve finally done it.

I’ve finally come up with a theory that HAS no logical answer!
This is it! I don’t know, after this, I might feel somewhat empty inside... I always liked finding out the real answer to my theories and have people wonder about them... But this time, it cannot be done!!! This time, I will put the standards higher than ever before, and write an actual LOGICAL theory! Remember this day, as the day where I, Victoria, actually had some sense in her head!! Despite the irrelevance of it all and the fact that it is not important, it HAS no answer!
Okay. I was thinking about Disney movies recently and, upon recalling one of my favourites, I realized something...
Tarzan.
Has.

No.
Beard.
That's right ladies and gents, Tarzan, the triceps, steroids-driven, cave-like man has no beard. Not even a little bit of stubble.
Don’t believe me? HAVE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF!!!!!

Clean shaven and everything. Behold the hairless Tarzan with all his glory!!! Wave to the Tarzan!! BOW TO HIM!!
Blow him kisses!!!!
(Sorry, Simpsons flashback to that really tall guys who says ‘do you find something funny about my automobile?' Alyssia will understand...)
So why on earth am I so concerned about a cartoon character’s facial hair?
Because if he were in a jungle ever since his birth, how on earth would he shave? Or even know how to shave? Or even WANT to shave! I mean, who is he trying to impress? The freaking gorillas?!?!?! His parents couldn’t have taught him – they died when he was 1. And he isn’t a race who has no facial hair. In the novel written by Edgar Rice Burroughs, it says he was British. Enough said.
And so I think to myself – okay it’s Disney. They must be undergoing a serious anti-beard policy or something because I don’t think they’ve ever had a protagonist who had facial hair... Despite the fact that I believe that jasmine had a little ‘something something’ under her lip...

So I researched.
That's right. Because I am THAT bored, I was like bloody Poirot from an Agatha Christie novel!
I looked up Tarzan movies from back in the day. Because I knew that Disney wasn’t the first to rip off the novel.
And I found something, not only startling, but shocking at the same time!
*le gasp*

Brace yourselves kids – for a number of weird looking men:

WHAT

IS

GOING

ON!!!!!

None. That’s right. NONE of the movies I looked up had a Tarzan worthy to grace the screen with beard and all...
I kept researching. Adamant that I would find at least one bearded Tarzan. But they just kept on getting crazier and crazier...
One interpretation (shown below) even had the audacity to have GELLED HAIR like that guy from Grease!

NOT EVEN THE COPYCATS GOT IT RIGHT!! And George of the Jungle was a bloody good movie too!!!

Watch out for that tree George? Or watch out for that stunted growth which seems to be affecting your facial hair?

What was even more hilarious was that some representations, whilst they didn’t have any beards, had some pretty well-grown underarm hair. The kind you could braid dreadlocks in...
Now I know that there will be some reason that I cannot see at the moment – some explanation to how I am wrong. But for now, I’m going to savour the moment of knowing that I may be right about something...
Even if it IS about bearded fictional characters...